January 1, 2016

The last time I wrote here was Oct. 2011.  It doesn't bother me that no one reads these or if someone does, they don't comment.  That's okay.  Maybe this is more for me than anyone else.

November of 2012 I began taking medication for my thyroid.  I went from weighing under 200 to where I am today.  227.  I honestly don't know if I can blame the medication altogether, or if I became less diligent.  I didn't feel like I made a change in my eating or exercise, but maybe I used it as an excuse.

I started out the year at Club 24, our local gym.  30 minutes on the treadmill, 25 minutes on the stationary bike.

Going up?

Yes, I'm going up...up in pounds.  This morning when I entered my weight at calorieking.com I received this message:  You have gained 6 pounds in 3 months.  It would have been better if it had said:  You have lost 6 pounds in 3 months.  My fear is that it will take me 6 months to lose those 6 pounds.  Maybe even longer.

We took 3 vacations beginning the middle of August and ending on October 19.  I did get some exercise in but not like the regular exercise I do.  Plus we ate out a lot and while in Virginia my very kind sister-in-law pushed desserts at us right and left.  There was candy in bowls.  There were peanuts.  You'd think after 3 years of hard work that I'd be strong enough to not give in.  To just say "NO THANK YOU."  But I wasn't.

I need to not only lose these 6 pounds plus 25-30 more, I also need to develop a backbone and learn to make the right choices.  Is it about me not wanting to hurt someone's feelings if I refuse a dessert or second helping?  It shouldn't be.  It should be about me wanting to get healthy, look better, and live longer.

So on this traditional day of eating candy...I will eat no candy.  I want very much to say "no" to all sugary treats until Thanksgiving Day and then allow myself one piece of pumpkin pie.

September 2011

After months of hard work--eating right and a lot of exercise--I have managed to stay below 200 most of the time.  I've been as low as 197 and go up and down between there and 199.  It seemed I was stuck around 204 for a long time and so I won't mind tooooo much if I stay around 197 for awhile.  I'd love to get to 190 because then I would no longer be considered obese.

Frustrations

I've been under 200 for twelve days in a row.  That hasn't happened since 2001.  But this afternoon I weighed and I was 203.2.  Unless I urinate a lot this means tomorrow I will be 200+ or even 201. I feel like I don't even dare eat any dinner tonight.  I am so terribly frustrated and there is not a human being except my CalorieKing friends and one other that I can express it too.  Not even my husband.

I wasn't feeling badly this morning until I received this message on Facebook from my sister.  It was directed to me but in the public setting where all my friends can see it.  Today's challenge: you can't post anything w/the words "calories, food, weight, or exercise". Ready? GO! ;^)


This hurt me beyond words.  Months ago my very good friend told me I talk about my weight too much.  My husband got very upset with me several months ago for telling him my weight in the mornings and 
expressing my disappointments when I gained.


I count calories every day.  I exercise at least 6 days a week.  I've lost 70 pounds and yet I have this horrible fear that some morning I'll get on the scale and I'll weigh 270 again.


I sometimes feel like giving up and that scares me too.


People who are naturally thin and never have to work at it do not realize how fortunate they are.

Some days are harder than others

I am kind of a loner.  It isn't that I prefer being alone, but when I am it is hard for me to leave and go be with people.  I am not agoraphobic.  Guess I am afraid I'll be a bother, plus I don't have many close friends.  I have never developed a crafty side and I'm not good at any of them.  Knitting, sewing, crocheting, scrapbooking....

Today I just wanted to eat and eat and eat.  I didn't.  But I wanted to.

For my Monday weigh in I was up nearly 2 lbs. from Sunday so that bummed me out. From 201.6 to 203.4.  I did 65 min. of exercise, working my arms very hard.

And I have to keep exercising like this and eating like this for forever or I'll go back to 270 pounds.

June 2011

I am reading an inspiring book of weight loss entitled "Half-Assed:  A Weight Loss Memoir."  The author, Jenette Fulda, decided that, as she neared 400 lbs., it was time to lose weight.  She didn't talk about, she didn't join any groups, she didn't count calories or carbs, she didn't even tell her family members.  She just decided to start eating in a more healthy manner and to begin exercising.  Her motto when asked was "move more, eat less."  That is what I've been saying as I've been on my weight loss journey since Oct. of 2008.

I haven't lost any weight in over a year, but due to exercising...not only cardio but also weights and weight machines, I am much stronger.  When I see pictures of my former body I am horrified that I let myself get that big and not truly realize how fat I was.  I still get discouraged because my belly is big.  BUT I have lost 7 inches of fat around my waist.  My arms sag (but so does just about every woman's on earth), but I think they are at least 3 inches smaller.

When I walk down an aisle at the grocery store it is not difficult to pass by the cookies, candy, chips or ice cream.  Those things do not have the pull they used to.  It doesn't mean that I never eat any of those things because I do.  But not very often.

Trying to lose weight doesn't mean you have to totally deprive yourself of everything you like.  I could have one piece of cake, but if I make a cake I will have 8, 9, 10 pieces of cake because I would help myself every time I passed the pan.  Well, almost every time.

There are certain things we choose to not have in the house all the time.  If something is a constant temptation, why even have it somewhere in your house?  If a person is trying to quit smoking would you keep a pack of cigarettes on the table?  I don't think so.

Holding pattern

Since the last time I posted I have actually gained weight.  This morning 204.4.

An hour of exercise daily.  Eating more healthy.  Counting calories.

I seriously don't know what else to do.

I reported my measurements last time and you'd think with all my time on the treadmill, the bike, the various machines and lifting weights (up to 15 pounds) that there would be a difference.  But in fact, I think I'm actually a bit bigger in areas.

The magazines have articles about how much weight you can walk off and I have a very hard time believing it.  On the treadmill I walk on incline and I walk fast--not at the same time.  I can actually walk at 4.5 MPH, but not for long periods of time.

Here is a note I posted on Facebook:  A Weighty Issue


I was a skinny kid....a really, really skinny kid.  I was a skinny teenager....a really, really skinny teenager.  My dad was skinny.  But the legacy on my mother's side was FAT.  My grandmother was fat, my mother was fat and I eventually became FAT, yes, very fat; in fact, obese.

When I got married I weighed around 140--not too bad, but 12 lbs. more than when I was 16.  As the years progressed I became more and more addicted to food, the overeating of it.  I have a picture of me when my oldest child was about 1 and I looked good.  I looked really good.  But I think being home all day led me to turn to food and over time the pounds came on. When my children were young I never set a limit on what they ate.  We had ice cream all the time in the house.  There were no restrictions as I recall.  But because of the cycle of ovrweight in my family and because I hated being fat so very much I did tell my daughter, "I don't want you to get fat like me."  Fortunately she never did.

I was in the 240s and 250s for over 20 years.  But when I went to the doctor and I was 260 that scared me to death.  So in 2001 I went on a diet and lost 80 lbs.  I was at 178 and I looked good.  I had gone 9 months without eating any sugar.  Unfortunately at my lowest weight we went on vacation and from the moment I put that first bite of cake into my mouth the pounds began to slowly creep back on.  Every 5 pounds I would tell myself, "That's it.  No more."  Then the next 5 pounds and the next and the next until I had regained 90 pounds.

In October of 2008 I joined Calorie King and since then I've lost 55-60 pounds.  Absolutely no one can tell me to lose weight or that I don't need to lose weight.  That decision rests solely in my hands.  My spouse can't tell me to lose weight, my friends, my kids....no one. It is my decision.  And unless a person has a true food eating disorder, the decision to lose 5 pounds or 50 pounds rests in YOUR hands.  I also believe my spouse can never tell me that I shouldn't lose any weight.

I don't want anyone to say....it's only 5 pounds I've gained.  Because it is too easy to let that 5 turn into 10, 15, 20.  For me it turned into 90 pounds.

For the past 16 months I've struggled to get below 200 and stay there.  I exercise at least 6 hours a week.  I eat sensibly most of the time.  But 200 eludes me.  One thing I do know.   I will never, ever, ever, ever go back to 270.  According to my BMI I am still obese.  My children are adults now, but I still do not want them to ever be obese.

This is an extremely painful subject for me.  The jolly fat person is a myth.

Week 6 2/5/2011

Two weeks ago my weight was 205.2.  I was not able to weigh last Saturday since I spent the night in the hospital.  Today I am 203.  I'm up just a bit from February 1.

Being on an "eat healthy plan" is something you can not be off and on about.  I think about this every day, and all through the day.  I cannot just grab a handful of almonds throughout the day.  I count them out.  Is it worth it?  Yes.  Is it easy?  No.

Saturday is the one day we go out to breakfast (unless traveling).  Today we went to a restaurant we hadn't been to in awhile.  I could have had oatmeal, but I have that often at home.  I chose to have an egg, hashbrowns and one piece of toast.  I will worry that tomorrow this will show up when I weigh.  I do get tired of worrying all the time and those of you who can eat whatever you want and not gain weight have no idea of how fortunate you are.

My daughter and kids are coming for lunch.  I'm having mini meatloafs and potatoes with some type of vegetable so this should be okay.  This also means that tonight will be a light supper.  Soup, sandwich, ??

February 1st Report

January 1:   208.6
February 1: 202.4

My determination is paying off--keeping away from sugar, logging food eaten, and exercise.

Chest:  33.5 (lost 1 inch)
Hips:  43 (lost 1/2 inch)
Waist:  37 (lost 1/2 inch)
Thigh:  23.25 (lost 1/4 inch)
Left knee:  18.75 (lost 1/4 inch)
Left calf:  16 (the same)

Body fat:  46.4% (down .9%)

This has been an incredible month.  One I will not expect to repeat in February.  My goal for this month is to be 199.  And to be more watchful of sodium intake.

Margaret

Week Four 1/22/11

January 1:   208.6
January 15: 206.4
January 22: 205.2

I'm very pleased with my progress this month.  I'm doing very well with the no sugary treats.  Drinking lots of water and getting in my exercise.  After awhile it just becomes your way of life.  So glad my husband is going to the gym with me.  Should I have a day where I think "I don't want to go." he says, "We paid for it, we're going."

Last night we ate at Red Lobster.  My meal fit in with my calories and I even ate one of their "evil" Cheddar Bay Biscuits--just one!  Seriously, they are not a good choice because 1 has 150 calories.

Week Three 1/15/2011

206.4

I gained .8 from the week before but from the first of January I'm still down 2.2 lbs.  Then today (Sunday) I was back to 205.

Keeping up my hour (or very close to it)  a day of exercise.  Keeping track of my food eaten so all is well.

I weigh about 65 lbs. less than my highest weight and I have 2 areas that I still have the fat clinging to.  One, of course, it the belly.  When I read all those magazines that say "walk away the belly fat" I'm so so so unbelieving.  I've walked miles and done hundreds of abs workouts.  I have lost about 7 inches in my waist but I need to lose about 3 more to be in the healthy range.

I'm satisfied with my hips, legs, thighs and back.  But my knees are extremely fat.  Pouches of fat behind the knee--very, very unattractive.  I do a lot of exercises for my legs but I know of no exercise that targets the knees.  So it is my hope that if I lose an additional 25 to 30 lbs. that some of that fat will disappear.

Week Two 1/08/11

January 1:  208.6
January 8:  205.6

Hurray!  Loss of 3 lbs. for the week.

Changes I've made:
    more water
    not eating back all of my exercise calories
    giving up sugary treats for the month

I've got a new attitude!

Week One 1/1/11

208.6 lbs. 47.3% body fat


In 2009 I posted weekly my weight loss adventure and did well.  In 2010 I chose to not do this and I actually gained back just a bit over 3 lbs. during the year.

In 2011 I'm going to post here again weekly.

Goals:  Exercise an hour a day at least 6 days a week.
            Drink more water.
            Eat more fruit and vegetables.

Finishing Strong in 2010

Finally finally finally things are beginning to turn around for me.  I hope so much to at least end 2010 where I started...204.  I had been so sure that I would be at my goal long before this so it's been a difficult year.  But this week my faithfulness is beginning to pay off.  I'm doing one week without sugary treats.  Saturday I have two (yes, two) Christmas Teas to attend.  This will test my integrity and will power to the nth.

Time to change the title

This has been a disappointing year in my weight loss journey....up, down, up, down, maintain, up, up, up, down...etc.

I am in a challenge that will start on November 29, 2010 to lose 10 lbs. in 10 weeks. I have such doubts because I haven't even been able to lose 10 pounds in 48 weeks. And it isn't for lack of trying. I've exercised 5-6 days per week for most of the year. Vacation times were a bit of a problem. I'm not sure what else I can add to my program to get my body to release some weight. I'm still considered obese and that is not good.

Here's to getting past the holidays and start losing again.

I am tired of being a....

person who talks too much. Yep, that is what I was told. I talk too much and about unimportant things. I don't like silence. In the car I want talk radio on. At home I want the TV on or the radio. When in a group of people I'm very uncomfortable if no one is talking so I talk. I don't feel like it is a bad thing, but evidently I say stupid things...things that don't need to be said. I don't even know what I said that is wrong. To me it is just making conversation, but to others it is overbearing, and embarrassing. How do I change myself? I'm 62 and so I think it just might be too late for me.

fat person. I've regained 10 pounds and I wonder if it is worth the effort to lose it again, and again, and again, and again. It's too much and right now I cannot deal with it. I CANNOT DEAL WITH IT!

person with only a few friends. I miss having lots of friends. But maybe I didn't really have friends. Maybe I just thought I did.

person whose nephews hate me. What did I do to them besides speak? I'm so hurt by being hated when I have so much love in me. I guess what I said in the first paragraph applies here.

person who everyone thinks is happy.

A New Goal

The thought of having to lose another 30 pounds to get to 170 has been overwhelming. Considering that it has taken me almost 7 months to get about 5 pounds off...I'd be working to get to the goal for about 5 years! So my goal as of now is to get to 185. At that point (which will probably be in 2011) I can decide if I can or want to go lower.

Getting thin has been good and bad. Sometimes I'm very depressed over my weight and I don't really like feeling that way. So onward to continued calorie counting and exercise.

Holding the course

Why did the weight come off so quickly when I started this journey in Oct. 2008? Although I didn't make my goal for 2009 of losing 52 pounds I still had a fairly steady weight loss over the year. But 2010 has been different. On January 1 I weighed 204.4 but the days after my mother passed away I zoomed back up to 211.4. Fortunately in one week I had shed 4.8 pounds of that.

Now it is the middle of July almost and I weighed 201.6 this morning. Good grief! That is only 2.8 pounds in 6.5 months. I have become an exercise maniac, generally doing 1 to 1.5 hours. I generally log my food eaten on calorieking.com although I'm not perfect on that front. I wanted to be 195 by Dec. 31, 2009. Didn't happen! Now I had hoped to be 190 by the time we go on our cruise August 13 and I'm seeing that dream slip, slip, slip away. I at least have not gained any weight back so I'm thankful for that. I'm eating right most of the time. I exercise 5-6 times per week (unless traveling). I honestly don't know what else to do. I'm 62 and maybe that is part of the problem.

Finally losing again

Six months later than hoped I have finally gone under 200. This morning I was 198.2. In January I joined Club 24, a local gym in Hermiston, OR. Since then I have faithfully worked out, both on the treadmill and cycle as well as using a guided program on the weight machines.

Since joining the weight did not fall off immediately but I have gained muscle and muscle burns calories. By sticking to my calorie counting and the exercise results are now beginning to show.

Now this doesn't mean that I won't every get discouraged again, but I know without a doubt that I can lose this weight. Only about 20 pounds to go.

TWO HUNDRED

For some people weighing 200 would be catastrophic! But for me...it is wonderful. In 2009 I hoped to lose 52 lbs. in 52 weeks but I fell short of that goal. I am thankful for the amount of weight I did lose.

On January 1st I weighed 204.4. On January 2 my mother passed away. On January 4 and the days following family members began arriving. There were more meals eaten in restaurants. After the funeral dinner the relatives brought several pizzas into the house. I was not strong enough to "just say no." On January 2 I weighed 206 and on January 11 I had zoomed up to 211. It took me a couple of weeks to recover from the gain and the I hovered in the 204s for weeks.

I had high hopes of weighing 195 by December 31, 2009 and now almost 4 months later I have finally reached 200.

Losing weight is a full-time job. I count calories. I exercise AT LEAST 6 days a week at a gym, or walking, or with an exercise DVD.

So today is a milestone. I hope by April 30 to weigh 199.8.